melancholy baby

its weird how when i get tired i get melancholy...i need to start writing lyrics for my solo career. i go through months where all i want to do is write a good song and re-learn guitar and go perform...however, i guess i can be pretty lazy at times and i dont get around to it.

anyway, i guess my main melancholy thoughts are about life being so "nebulous" ha ha. i can't nail things down, figure them out, understand them. I feel that i have unleashed potential that is put on hold forever. i am such an open person and i talk alot about the various things that get me down but i dont actually ever do anything about it. i'm sorry that i get so unhappy with the present, the current way things are. i know that my life is awesome, privileged, a great gift but theres that weird lack of fulfillment. i think when i get bored, it taints my perception. i have so many aspirations: guitar, singing, writing, art, sewing, designing clothes and other items, rockclimbing, education, family, developing in my faith...thats alot...too much...it overwhelms me and gets me down.

anyway i guess all i can do is go to sleep and enjoy tomorrow. i wonder why sadness hits at night or early am? i guess b/c emotions are raw and unchecked. you cant pretend or fake...not something i generally do anyway, but it takes alot more energy to have a balanced look at things.

i just have to keep reminding myself of the fundamentals...that there is a greater purpose and plan. i should feel like there's something on the horizon. i should be available for great and mundane things. i should be ready for God to direct my life in a way i hadnt anticipated or planned. thanks to God for my life for my today for my now and future.

peace.

Mark, Bruce, Susan, Andrew & Heather, Chelsie, Fraser (ferret), me & Derek back in August 2003. Mom came out and surprised Susan for her 50th birthday.  

Derek an I on our 4th wedding anniversary, April 24 2004. Pic taken at Horseshoe Bay before heading on the 20 minute ferry for Bowen Island for dinner. Being married is going really great. I love that guy! He is fun and kind and loving and very supportive person. Cheers darling, to another great year! 

Westley (cat) & Fraser (ferret). Fraser is not our oldest pet, but we have had him the longest. He is such a fun and loving ferret. Very good natured and well-behaved. He has gotten alot fluffier since we got Sparky (which is weird, cuz they usually get less furry for summer)...he must be trying to look beefier so that Sparky will submit. Westley is a good lookin' cat but not super affectionate. 

Sparky. doberman. he's been with us for just over 1 month. He is a very fun dog. We went camping with him in Smith Rock and he was very good. 

my first blog

i have not even read a whole blog entry before. but here i go. my friend stefanie has one here and i thought i'd like to too. i have always wanted to have a record of my thoughts and what not but wow, its really strange to write on this.

ok, so the purpose of this blog is to immortalize myself right? i chose my title from a mike knott song. He is absolutely my fav artist/musician other than my very talented husband.

i have always found a deep connection to mike knotts lyrics growing up. i appreciate his honesty and lyrical style. his faith in the midst of trials. i'm sure i'll talk about mk again. check out www.michaelknott.com if you are interested.
peace