Saturday, November 29, 2008

trying to be perfect

can't do it.

i cannot be perfect.

i was all ready to start counting my points and not going over as of yesterday (thursdays are my weigh in day, so i figured friday was a good day to get back at it, start fresh).

i did well all day. then i headed out to my parents with my kids. i stopped to pick up a Tim Horton's coffee for my husband and on a whim decided to buy myself a mocha which is like 4 points...then we got wings, garlic toast and lasagne for dinner on the was all over then. i saw those chicken wings and i knew i would be having more than 3. and at 3points a wing, yikes.
then came the cookies...

so, i know i need to be confident, dont let myself be defeated and just start again.

my mom made the comment that i'd really slimmed down lately. that my bottom and thighs were looking much slimmer...i was sort of shocked because i just barely sqeeeeezed into a pair of non-maternity pants, but i wore them anyway since my mat pants are too big now.

derek is off working for a half-day today and since its just me and the girls, i might attempt some shopping/errands today. although my house is over flowing with laundry. somehow i got behind in it, so i'd like to get that done too. my mom wants to keep ezekiel for another night, but he's only 2 and i miss him :( i'm sure he misses me i dont want to push him.

but when i think about it, grandma has the morning with him, then he naps for several hours, then pepere gets home from work and would want to see him, then a couple hours and its bedtime. so keeping him for another day might be okay. i guess we'll see.

i will try try try to record all my points and eat within them today. i need to grocery shop, so that should help, get more veggies in the house!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

two issues with this attempt

i have been thinking about how this journey back to my goal weight has two main issues for me.

i definitely want to reach a more comfortable number on the scale. i have been as low as 140 lb in my adult life but i think 150 lbs suits me better. i have always appeared lighter than my "number on the scale." which is nice, but i think it actually has to do with having dense muscle mass. i have always been pretty athletic and could walk for as long as i'd want with little effort or fatigue. running takes more effort for me but i think its because i had poor technique. currently, being close to 180 lbs when my daughter is nearly 2 months old is pretty hard on my eyes and psyche. i know it takes time, but since i only reached around 188 lbs with my first two pregnancies, i was well below this weight by baby's 2nd month.

the other issue for me is the post-partum body. i want my body to look more "normal." i had such a crazy huge belly that stuck out FAR. it obviously did some damage to my muscles and skin. i know its common to have a softer belly after having a baby, but my belly seems soft and droopy. i feel a little scared with how its going to turn out especially since i am decidedly against getting a tummy tuck (because, thanks to those wonderful reality tv shows, i've seen what the procedure and subsequent scarring looks like and i do not want that either!). i try to remind myself that it takes time and to not be too hard on myself, mostly because there is NOTHING quick i can do about it.

i know that slowly dropping the lbs will result in a slightly different physique, i'm both curious and a little scared to see what it looks like ;P

i remember back to my first attempt at weight loss and it was a huge change for my body image, my way of looking at food, and my confidence as well as the number on the scale. it was so important to me to have healthy self-image and to hopefully never let my daughter hear me say "ugh, i look so fat!" i just happened to have a daughter first and i felt like i was good to go, good attitude, good perspective, a healthy body...well, things have changed. i dont feel so on top of things right now, but i believe that i can return to a healthier way of thinking and living.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

4th time losing weight

i recently re-joined the local weight watchers group. back in 2003 i joined for the first time, i did really well, consistently lost weight until i reached and exceeded my goal. i was 168lbs and got all the way down to 140lbs (with my "official" goal on the program being 145 so i'd have 7lbs of lee-way--you can be 2 lbs above or your official goal weight and still maintain your "at goal" status which means you dont have to pay).

just after reaching goal in 2004, and becoming a lifetime member of weight watchers, i became pregnant for the first time. i maintained my weight until i was 3 months pregnant and then it obviously went up from there.

Pregnancy 1:
start weight: 143 lbs at 9.5 weeks (recorded at dr.'s office); actual was 140 lbs
end weight: 188 lbs at 40 weeks
total gain: 48 lbs
baby girl
loss after 3 weeks: 20 lbs; weighing 168 lbs

Pregnancy 2:
start weight: 161 lbs at 8.5 weeks (recorded at dr.'s office); actual was 158 lbs
end weight: 189.5 lbs at 41 weeks
total gain: 31.5 lbs
baby boy
loss after 3 weeks: 31.5 lbs; weighing 158 lbs

Pregnancy 3:
start weight: 157lb at 8 weeks (recorded at dr.'s office); actual was 156 lbs
end weight: 201lb at 41 weeks
total gain: 45 lbs
baby girl
loss after 3 weeks: 20 lbs; weighing 181 lbs

so i did manage to get down to about the same weight before the second two pregnancies began and weight watcher principles really helped.

so now is my 4th time partaking on the weight loss journey to try to get back to the healthy lifestyle i want to live.

i started at 180 lbs weigh in on October 30 2008.
i skipped 2 weeks and weigh ins were as follows:
November 13: 179 lbs down 1.6 lbs
November 20: 177.8 lbs down 1.2 lbs

i have not been exercising at all since starting. i really want to play my wii fit, but adjusting to audrey's schedule or lack of or whatever, hasnt really allowed it and i've been TIIIIRED in the evening. i ate alot of halloween candy and chocolate the first 2 weeks on the program but this week has gone much better.

i have been using twitter alot and am part of a group called "wwtweets" so i decided i start documenting my weight loss and i'm sure i'll reach my goal soon-ish :D as a lifetime member, i have 3 months free from October 30 to get back to my goal weight of 155 lbs. i'm not totally sure i can reach it by then, but if not, i can always raise my goal so that i dont have to pay.

anyway, better go. we are throwing our son his second birthday party today! fun!