Wednesday, November 26, 2008

two issues with this attempt

i have been thinking about how this journey back to my goal weight has two main issues for me.

i definitely want to reach a more comfortable number on the scale. i have been as low as 140 lb in my adult life but i think 150 lbs suits me better. i have always appeared lighter than my "number on the scale." which is nice, but i think it actually has to do with having dense muscle mass. i have always been pretty athletic and could walk for as long as i'd want with little effort or fatigue. running takes more effort for me but i think its because i had poor technique. currently, being close to 180 lbs when my daughter is nearly 2 months old is pretty hard on my eyes and psyche. i know it takes time, but since i only reached around 188 lbs with my first two pregnancies, i was well below this weight by baby's 2nd month.

the other issue for me is the post-partum body. i want my body to look more "normal." i had such a crazy huge belly that stuck out FAR. it obviously did some damage to my muscles and skin. i know its common to have a softer belly after having a baby, but my belly seems soft and droopy. i feel a little scared with how its going to turn out especially since i am decidedly against getting a tummy tuck (because, thanks to those wonderful reality tv shows, i've seen what the procedure and subsequent scarring looks like and i do not want that either!). i try to remind myself that it takes time and to not be too hard on myself, mostly because there is NOTHING quick i can do about it.

i know that slowly dropping the lbs will result in a slightly different physique, i'm both curious and a little scared to see what it looks like ;P

i remember back to my first attempt at weight loss and it was a huge change for my body image, my way of looking at food, and my confidence as well as the number on the scale. it was so important to me to have healthy self-image and to hopefully never let my daughter hear me say "ugh, i look so fat!" i just happened to have a daughter first and i felt like i was good to go, good attitude, good perspective, a healthy body...well, things have changed. i dont feel so on top of things right now, but i believe that i can return to a healthier way of thinking and living.

1 comment:

Kiki said...

We're with you. I'm in the same boat of wondering what I will look like if I ever lose it all.

No matter what support is where it's at!

Good luck and I'm so glad you're tweeting too.