Saturday, November 04, 2006

11 days to go

wow, i'm almost at 10 days to go!!!

i should have been sleeping for the last 3 hours but i got woken up by the tenants arriving to move in (i had to give them a key) and then i just couldn't get various nesting ideas out of my head (storage room--you're next on my list!!!). diedre is still asleep and its been 3.5 hours, this is the longest she may have ever slept. derek is also sleeping as he was up until 5am, then i woke him at 8am after i got more reno supplies from Home Depot and we both worked for 2 more hours in the suite.

i am feeling tired, but okay. i think i will probably wake derek up when diedre gets up so we can spend the afternoon together--imagine that!? its been awhile! my poor guy has been doing double duty these days and i'm so glad he will get a little rest before baby2 comes...although for all the work i've been putting in, baby2 might be coming sooner than we thought (or so i can hope).

i'm going to try putting diedre to be in her new room (if we deem it safe, i'm a little worried about her new dresser being tippy and some of the other furniture as well, so we'll have to secure it to the wall or something).

anyway, i'm enjoying my final days of pregnancy. it hurts, its heavy, i have a hard time walking when i first get up from sitting or lying down and by night time i am seriously hobbling around--but the baby is moving tons still, i think it dropped down even lower the other day (i felt a strange pressure on my bowels all of a sudden) and i'm excited! i'm enjoying my time with diedre and am looking forward to seeing how she handles this change in her life and mommy time.


diedre's up!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

6 weeks to go!

Michelle tells me its time to update so while Degrassi the next generation is on tv (my latest lunchtime ritual) i will express my inner thoughts on my current and upcoming state of affairs.

6 weeks to go is really exciting.

the birth
i'm nervous about leaving diedre for one to two days...we spend all our time together so it will feel weird to not have her around. i don't want her to be sad :(
i guess thats why home births would be nice, a real family affair, but i really want my doctor there. i could not imagine having my baby without him there.
i really want diedre to be able to come meet the baby as soon as possible, before any friends or anyone else. since its "our family." i really want her to feel special and involved...i know she's young, but i just know i'll miss her so much.

i'm also nervous about getting poked and prodded when its time to get internals again...ugh...and of course labour. i am hoping it goes much much faster and that the baby is not posterior...speaking of which, i better get on my hands and knees and scrub that kitchen floor (thats supposed to help keep the baby in position).

as usual, diedre is still a delight to parent. she is picking up new words all the time and unless she is sick, she is a really happy and quite obedient child. we have definitely had a few days where she's been terrible and i'm on top of everything she does, but teaching her to listen to mommy and daddy is so important that i know i gotta just do it. i'm really working on teaching her to listen on the first try. i dont want to be a "thats one" "thats two" "two and a half" "ok, you're in trouble missy" kind of parent. i think to listen immediately is important with the amount of mobility she has, i dont want her running to the road. i dont know if what i'm doing works, but thats what i do: if she doesnt listen, i remove her from the situation or do a time out or whatever discipline can or needs to be done right away.

learning to co-parent is always a challenge. i think we are doing better and better all the time. its such a learning experience. i'm with her more, so i do most of the disciplining and teaching. i really make an effort to not question what derek does in front of her and just decide if it matters or not, then talk to him later about it. i used to always be like "derek! what are you doing?!" which was not good for him or her...oops. anyway, i admit my fault and move on to a better way (most of the time).

the house
we have furniture to get diedre's room set up. my good friends bought us a toddler bed (they said it got thrown in with a bunch of stuff they bought at a garage sale on sunday) and andrew and heather gave us a dresser. i also got a toybox and shoe/coat rack thingy from another friend's neighbour. i'm really excited to get her room set up so we can start cleaning all the baby stuff (car seat, swing, bouncy seat, etc) and put it in the baby's room so diedre can play with it and get used to it being around. as well as being used to her new room and toddler bed and such. its alot of transitions so we gotta get on it soon. i really think it will be ok, because it will be our old room...i suppose if we'd planned ahead a little better we could have avoided ALL of us switching rooms, but our bedroom now is medium sized, good for diedre, and our new bedroom is a den with a sliding glass door to the backyard and deck (so traffic to go outside will go through our room).

we were very blessed to get some paint from our friends. they gave us four shades of yellow. we are looking forward to getting it on the walls.

our suite is currently vacant and we are really hoping to have it rented by the fifteenth. we are planing to lay tile, put in a new vanity and a white toilet (i'm getting it free from craigslist, my stepdad is picking it up tonight and bringing it over). of course we want to put other new floors in but don't have the money since we don't have renters. we'll see what we can do.

being landlords is another learning experience:
1. Never take "yes, i want to take it" as a real "yes" until the money is in hand! (i'm sure everyone is saying "duh, of course not" but its pretty exciting to have someone say they want it after doing soooo many gets tiring to have to not trust ANYONE's i let one call go "i'm pretty sure its taken" when in fact, it was not).
2. Get all damage in writing, take pictures. The RTA site has a great checklist now for damage, do a thorough walk through first, both sign it, then do one upon move out so you know exactly the condition and the damage.
3. Don't show the suite with tenants home if possible. my tenant was sick in bed "cough cough, come on in, its fine." i guess i should have communicated better with them. i did not NEED to show it on days that they were sick in bed--but i didnt know they were! i did not need to show it on days when they were using the master bedroom and wouldnt allow us to show it--but i didnt know they would not honor our predetermined "showings schedule." next time, i hope i will remember to lay it all out: if they need to break the date, fine, just let me know. dont tell me when there are people at the door waiting for their appointment. And i would probably request that they tidy up a bit more...that may be overstepping boundaries for the landlord, but i paid for three weeks of ads to show a dirty smelly suite...not so nice.

we really did have great tenants, just upon leaving things were not so good.

anyway, gotta go visit my baby now! i hope this is enough to keep you all informed!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

3 months to go!!!

its amazing but true, this baby has been growing and growing and only has 3 months to go before birth!

i'm finally feeling better, more energetic (i still "need" my coffee most days) and pretty optimistic about the future growth of our family.

i am gaining weight now and able to eat almost anything. i wish weight was not such an issue for me. i know when i was at my ideal weight, i really felt like i had body image issues under control and it was perfect timing to have a daughter...but the past year has been hard. my body has changed so much, there is some permanent damage from childbearing. i think the stage my body is in now is great because the belly has grown enough that it is hard and not flabby at all, but i know i'm just going to get bigger and bigger.

it was really nice for me to not gain weight until later in the pregnancy, but i know its inevitable and healthy to do so, but its still a little humbling. with my first pregnancy, i pretty much gave up eating healthy the last trimester and ate burgers and fries alot. i gained 7lbs one WEEK. it was pretty crazy. although the doctor said it was water retention more likely than from all the peanut butter cookies i'd eaten (although, i assured him, i ate ALOT of pb cookies).

at this stage, i've gained 10lbs so if i gain 1lb or less per week the rest of the pregnancy (14 weeks), i will be right on track. i will try to be disciplined and eat healthy and then i'll know its all happening as it should be. i'm pretty doubtful that i will only gain 1lb per week. i guess i feel more confident or that i know its my responsibility to eat healthy, and if i don't, i know i will pay for it later and be annoyed that the weight isn't coming off, its a toss up, each time i want a cookie :)
diedre has been falling asleep in my arms for nearly one month after being sick for several weeks and then travelling. but this week i've really been trying to get her back into falling asleep on her own. there is a little crying, but each night or naptime it becomes less and less.

i'm so glad diedre is finally healthy and back into a rountine. we are really loose with some aspects of her routine, but having the "falling asleep" skill is sooo helpful! i'm feeling more rested because of it and last night was perfect. derek and i were able to watch a show then visit without me holding her asleep because she was already in her crib. derek and i have not spent 2 hours together (alone) in the evening before 10pm in forever!!! so it was great.

diedre's also been sleeping a little longer than her usual 9 hours which is awesome. i've been jealous all year of my friends' kids who sleep 12 or more hours per night, plus long naps! but if she can sleep 11 hours then i'm laughing! now is the time, or rather, from now on that it would be so helpful if she was consistent with the longer sleep so i can get the final 3 months of rest before baby2 arrives.

i guess thats probably a sufficient update at this point. thanks for reading :)


Sunday, July 09, 2006

sick, sick, sick

argh, nothing beats being sick like being really sick...

diedre got a nasty medley of illnesses the other week (ear infection #4, throat infection, and croupy cough) so i had a very boring long weekend sitting and watching Baby Einstein or other kid movies with her. she started to get better mid-week, just when a terrible "croupy" cough started happening in my throat and chest.

it is now more of a head cold with a terrible cough that makes me pee sometimes (well, you try coughing for 5 days and nights and see if you can hold it together the whole time!). its very frustrating and i havent been getting good nighttime sleep or much rest at all during the day. its been really challenging and by the time i'm better, derek will have this too probably.

today i feel so-so. i was able to have a steamy shower (to loosen the chest congestion) and then a really yummy and healthy smoothy for breakfast, followed by a hot coffee. it really helped. i'm at the rudolf stage, where i have a constantly running nose and a very evil sneeze too!!! thats when it all comes out...icky

anyway, i've had better days. 5 days of this has been too much. but i just keep thinking i gotta get better one of these days. and i'm sure i will.

tonight, we will be celebrating my mom's birthday (its on wednesday) so hopefully our little family is not contagious or anything...we will have to keep our distance from the mellengers and my parents too.

derek and diedre are still napping, but i think we need to go soon since its a good hour to get to white rock. hopefully the nap will help derek feel better for today.


Sunday, June 04, 2006

braxton hicks already?

i was lying on my back and i felt my womb tightening. i dont know how to write this without it sounding gross, but i could feel my womb, with my hands, the size of a melon. it was kind of cool, kind of painful. i dont think its anything to worry about, but yikes, 16 weeks, thats pretty early to be getting contractions :)

i went to a dietician on friday. it was quite interesting. i learned a few things:

1. skim milk has all the calcium i need in it. i thought when pregnant, i should drink a higher percentage for the fat content, but oh no no, she assured me, i need fat, but not milk fat. good fats, like fish oils or olive oil.
2. i should not eat any tuna. i thought that was just an old wives tale/urban myth and that a little tuna was ok. apparently NO, not at all. too much mercury for preg woman.
3. out of the 4 food groups, i was only eating enough grains. not enough fruit/veg, dairy or meat/alternatives...bad. she said it was especially important that i get 3 servings of meat/alternatives because protein helps build cells. she said even big men that come to her are only allowed 2 servings, only pregnant women get 3 servings.
4. i think she said cottage cheese does not have a significant amount of calcium and is therefore a pretty useless food. i dont like it anyway.

she also dissed weight watchers alot. i hate it when health professionals are always dissing things or other doctors. we started out the meeting in a pretty condescending way, but i stuck to my went a little something like this:

dietician: why are you here?
me: well, i dont want to gain another 50lbs this time. i also thought you might have some ideas of what i could eat to help me with morning sickness. i dont really know what you have to offer but i'd like to see what you have to say.

d: so you haven't lost all the weight?

me: no, i know thats lots of people dont lose all their weight...

d: its normal?? [sarcastic guffaw]

me: well, i think it might be because i just stopped breastfeeding recently.

d: where are you getting your information from??? [sarcastic condescension]

me: from my dr. i lost 30lbs within 3 weeks of her birth. the rest has not come off at all (except for when i got really sick and lost 5 lbs). my dr. said it probably had to do with my body retaining fat for breastfeeding.

d: well, thats only like 10lbs or 5lbs maybe [guffaw]

me: ya, that sounds about right.

d: so you were 140 when you got pregnant? and thats a healthy weight for you?

me: i was, but i think 150 is a more comfortable weight for me. i think i was a bit too thin at 140.

d: ok, so thats the 10lbs for breastfeeding.

me: (in my head--that's what i'm saying!!!)

anyway, i didnt walk out or anything, just figured she's one of those experts that has to be right about everything, and my dr. knows squat.

pet peeve of mine. condescending professionals...barf

anyway, baby is kicking once in awhile, not necessarily daily that i notice but its nice.

my mom & stepdad are on their way from Ontario! its so exciting to have them moving here. they are sending us text messages to update their location. they are in terrace bay tonight b/c of car troubles which are all fixed now. they hope to be here june 13th at the latest. yay!!!


Thursday, June 01, 2006

shameless self-promotion. ie. quiz


i hesitate in posting my results from this quiz...i saw it on Leah's blog.

What kind of jewel are you?


You are the epitome of loveliness. Your friends secretly hope to learn from you what makes you so beautiful, both inside and out.

Personality Test ResultsClick Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by quizzes and personality tests.

Monday, May 29, 2006


two things i don't like about pregnancy:
frequent peeing and oversensitivity.

first, i have officially entered the frequent peeing zone...i don't remember it happening until the very end last time, but this time, every time i stand up, i gotta go. we were watching a movie last night and i probably went 5 to 6 times. its ridiculous!

secondly, i'm oversensitive as it is, i don't need anymore!

lately, i keep getting insulted by the reactions of other kids or moms to diedre at playgroup. a little girl said "i don't like her, she bites me." (which diedre has never done, and i'm pretty sure hadn't. i looked for teeth marks). the little girls mom assured me that it is just something her daughter says sometimes, ie. "i dont like her, she has an ugly shirt." or whatever.

or today, diedre made this weird screeching noise, that we affectionately call her pterodactyl sound, or we say she is being a pterodactyl. and another mom said "wow, she is noisy." but it was the first sound she made! other kids are constant noise, diedre just lets out a good prehistoric screech every once in awhile, and she's noisy?! ha

see!?! i'm too sensitive. what does it matter? that mom might've said something without really thinking that it might not be a nice thing to say. i know i've done that hundreds of times. i remember when i was pregnant with diedre i would try to get myself psyched up to be tough and would say i need "rhino skin" all the time (thick skin) and my blogfather said something like, you are just fine the way you are, you don't need to be a rhino. but it is too stressful for me to be so sensitive. i want stuff to roll off my back like water off a duck's back. even if i am at all justified to feel hurt or bothered by the reactions of these other kids or parents, its really not about me or diedre.

i know she is "the best" to me and derek and her grandparents and maybe auntie m (diedre's her only niece) and i know that each parent feels the same about their own kid. i cannot expect any different from other parents, i can only control my own behavior, reactions, words, etc. but it sure is harder when i'm pregnant.

when i was pregnant last time, i felt like i was 14 again (those were the days, eh michelle--) with a hurricane of emotions, a mixture of manipulation, control and bewilderedment--i didn't know why i could be sugary sweet one moment and queen bee...yotch the next. it was a strange strange time, one i was soooo glad to grow out of, and so shocked to find i was emotionally back there somewhat when pregnant!

anyhoo, the second time around its not such a shocker. i know what to do. i know i can pray and ask any of you to, too (please) because i know that God has changed who i am soooooo much and He is my only hope!

oh, good news! i felt my baby kick on friday night! it was very fluttery and went on for a minute or two. no denying. its just the beginning, those special kicks that only i can feel. i'm feeling so tired these days, i'm a little scared of what it will be like to have two kids, but i'm getting so excited to meet this little one. i know diedre will be a fun big sister. she is such a special kid to us and is learning so much all the time.

end post

Thursday, May 25, 2006

new entry

ha ha, i wonder how long it will take before this title is inappropriate!

anyway, i've been getting a few comments requesting that i post here. i know you check my other blog with all the cute pictures, but i guess you're yearning for my inner thoughts :)

so, i'm 15 weeks pregnant. its been a tougher pregnancy so far than diedre's was. i am more sick and having way more food aversions (who thought cheese and crackers would turn my stomach!). anyway, i'm coping pretty well but haven't put on any "new" weight for this one yet (which is ok with me & the dr. because i still have some leftovers from diedre's pregnancy).

lately, i've been dealing with the beginnings of discipline. its really tricky with such a young kid. i am not prepared to spank yet (as i don't believe she would "get it") so so far she gets a firm warning, maybe a hand tap (if its dangerous: playing with electrical cords or outlets), and usually some time alone (as in one minute or so...really just removing her from the situation).

i stopped nursing about one month ago now. it was a very emotional time for me. i went back on it one day because i missed it and then i just tried to keep diedre away from me during her "nursing" times. she never seemed to miss it, until she got sick, but she didn't persist.

i've been making some friends here in town. its going much better now that i have decided to just take it slow and be "ok" with acquaintances. there is one girl who is so much like me in her honesty and way of asking questions. so we get into some very deep and personal stuff. its interesting because i need to be careful i don't violate myself by disclosing more than i should with someone i've only known for two months. but i can totally see me in her, when she asks some personal probing questions; i remember doing that alot. now, i think i hold back on what i ask people because i know that some people do not have strong enough boundaries to decide if something is too personal or not. so i try to respect where the person is coming from with how i ask questions, to protect them in a way.

i often say "i'm trying to make a life for myself here" in our new town. i think it is really important to be committed to where you are. i remember when i first moved to whistler, when derek and i were dating, i would always talk about my White Rock friends or go down to visit every second week. then one day the pastor said to me "are you going to be here or are you going to be there?" he was trying to encourage me to put my energy into our new life, not trying to keep one foot in the new and one foot in the old.

its hard when you leave your best friends for a new life. its so easy to idealize what you had, but when you return, its never the same. and good, because i changed so much in the 2.5 years i was living in whistler. and now we have been separated from some of our closest friends again (except for one couple that lives here too) but of course, its different, we are all older and have kids now and we don't hang out 5 nights a week anymore.

i really like this stage of life. i love building a family with derek. i love planning our next project on the house (usually out of necessity: laundry area, bathroom; or free stuff: hardwood floors). i really feel like we've made a nice home together, now i just need to get organized and keep it cleaner! its clean enough for me and diedre, but if someone was to "drop by" (no one ever has yet) i would be a little embarassed.

i love watching diedre grow and having "the lights turn on" when she learns something new. its so amazing to me. here are a few examples:

1. we were driving and i hear her yell "a truck" (first time) and i look beside me and there is a big truck. (she yells "a" before most things: "a ball" "a dad" "a kitty" "a doll")
2. i gave her a snack and sat her on her new chair at her little table. later i used the same dish to put dinner in, and i look over and she has sat herself down on the chair (first time) all ready to eat. so cute!
3. after months of us spoon feeding her, derek gave her a spoon and she totally fed herself. awhile back we would try to let her feed herself and it was way to messy.
4. just today, at our parents group, diedre was sitting and eating snack. i put her water cup (no lid) out of her reach (so i thought) and went to get more snack. when i got back she had the cup and there was a little spill on the table. i felt her shirt and it was dry. the other parents told me she drank from the cup by herself. so i let her try again and she took several drinks perfectly! i was so impressed.

this might seem really weird to any of you without kids, but its these little things that we can all do, that i get so thrilled about watching her learn. its also exciting because we taught her how!

ok, i hope that does it friends :) thanks for caring about me

xo ciao

Friday, March 24, 2006

lately life has been...

well, its been so long since i've posted. lots has happened, diedre turned one. that was a great day, a little sad, a little hectic (lots of house guests), then i lost all my pictures (scary) but andrew got them all back.

i have completed my first project with stir and am waiting for another one.

i am living in a new town (since september) and the main thing thats going on, i guess, is trying to get to know people. there are few couples from church that i feel i'm connecting with a bit. then there are a few from other mom's groups. i find it hard sometimes because although i dont have a problem striking up a conversation, i am so sensitive, so if someone seems less interested in talking to me the next time i see them, i worry that i came on too strong or something. its weird to be making new friends at this age i guess. i was not afraid of it before, but i just keep telling myself to give it time. take it slow. dont read into what people say. its pretty annoying that i am so easily upset because i think i am usually fairly self-assured.

i guess its like any other "doubts" i've had in my life, i have to write a mental list so that i can tell myself the truth, in order to bring myself back to feeling the truth and assurance. knowing that about myself has helped me with my faith, with my relationship with derek (early stages) and hopefully in this case too.

diedre has been such a joy. i am enjoying watching her learn and grow and i love to watch her play. its so cute.

i also had my first day away from her, last saturday. i was away from her for 10 hours. several girlfriends and i went downtown vancouver to shop and then to a chocolate buffet. it was very very sweet and i got a new outfit for my friend's wedding. i did really well away from diedre, i almost cried when i was having a 3pm snack, b/c i thought "she should be having a snack now!" hee hee
derek also said he enjoyed his special time alone with her. he will get a little more of that on monday night when i go to a wedding shower.

in other news, my mom has found a job out here, tentatively starting july 1st!!! yay! we are so excited to have grandma jen & grandpa richard out here to spend time with.

anyway, i guess i'll get going, baby d should be waking up soon from a nap. she is still napping great! about two 2-hour naps a day.


Tuesday, February 07, 2006

expensive fax service

yikes! after talking it over with derek and joanna about my fax dilemna, i decided to just head to the downtown area and go to a general store to fax.

it cost $2.00 for the first page, and $0.50 each for the additional 14 pages. $9.00!!! that seems like alot to me. i guess you have to spend money to make money.

oh well. if only there was another my old job, i avoided faxing so much that we eventually were able to get our clients to send us "email authorizations." that was much much better.

anyway, i am planning to get in touch with the local thrift store to see if they have tested the fax machines they have there. perhaps i will buy an old one from them.


Monday, February 06, 2006

i hate fax machines

i just need a fax machine so i can start my new job. i need to fax them the contract so they can respond with my first job. i guess i'll be running out to buy a fax machine as soon as diedre wakes up from her nap. i better get on the phone to try to find the best deal.

at my previous job, there was this room with a big fax machine dinosaur...i sat for 30 minutes straight waiting for it to FINALLY complete transmission. that is where my hatred began and grew. but then my good friends in the travel department took pity on me and would let me do my faxes through their normal fax machine. much better. much happier. i will hopefully get a machine like theirs. simple, new, logical. thats my plan anyway.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Five Factor Personality Test

denise did this test and said she was curious to know results from other people.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile


You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"


You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.


You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.


You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

30 years ago today

happy 30th birthday andrew!

me, andrew & our cousin alexa (who is 2 weeks younger than me)

i feel so terrible! i forgot to call andrew on his actual birthday. i NEVER forget his birthday. i guess i usually call early in the morning so he was wondering what only excuse was i had a bad night last night, only 5 hours of sleep...i hope that gets me off the hook!

anyway, andyroo, its been a great 27 years and 9 and a half months of knowing you! i hope you enjoy these images of our childhood. these are the only good pictures i have of you at that age (mom? do you know what age we are in these photos?).

love you big brother xo


derek & diedre love you too but they didn't forget your birthday like i did, so don't hold it against them :D happy birthday from them too.

Monday, January 30, 2006

work is right around the corner

i just got my first official invite into the project website for my new job. i will be a contractor with Stir Communications Group. i don't know what jobs will be given me yet, but i have said i'm available as of feb 1st for 12 hours a week. i'm feeling pretty excited about it now. for awhile i felt like i had forgotten all my internet marketing learning. However, after doing some reading i noticed that not much has changed as far as Search Engine Marketing goes since i've been on mat leave. i feel confident and ready to take on new challenges.

we celebrated my brother's 30th birthday on saturday (his birthday is tomorrow, jan 31). it was really significant for me since i've known him my whole life and he has been such an important person to me. derek's 30th is coming up in a month and a half and diedre's first birthday is in 27 days!!! derek's parents are coming out for her birthday so that should be really fun :)

i should probably go do pilates since diedre is still napping (just over 1 hour so far).


Tuesday, January 17, 2006

times are changing

its so exciting to see the changes going on around us. diedre is changing and that changes our schedules too. she requires more interaction and attention as she hands us book after book to read, or crawls over for a hug every couple of minutes. its such a blessing and so amazing to see the changes in her. learning new words, practicing sounds, falling asleep easily (yay!!!). i feel so thankful for the time we've had with her so far. what an amazing experience this has been. to have a daughter, to be a mother. i love it.

i cant help but feel a little melancholy over the times that have gone by, the newborn stage, the little bitty clothes, the helplessness of a little baby. now we see her learning some independance in how she plays and explores her world. she's growing up and she's only 10.5 goes so fast. wowsa. but it is inevitable of course. so i'm ok with that too. she is still very little and has so much to learn. these are fun times. times of change.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

no movie before bedtime

well, no movie yet...and its 9.20pm...

oh well, i did manage to bluff my way through a blog redesign :D

i found that fun piece of art on a free blog skins site and then figured out how to set up the regular blogger template inside of it. i hope the inner scroll bar doesn't annoy anyone too much (oh, i guess thats bad for marketing!) but i couldn't figure out any other way to incorporate that funness into my blog.


alone, listless, breakfast table in an otherwise empty room

well, i've been feeling like i need an away-from-home hobby that i can do and give derek an opportunity to hang out with diedre alone. however, derek has hobbies, so he always comes up with an idea first, which leaves me at home alone with diedre instead. joanna and i were trying to come up with an evening idea that we could do once a week, but thats on hold for now because it would cost money and there is too much going on right now (mon-thursdays are busy for either us or them).

derek is out climbing tonight with ben. diedre went to sleep really easily tonight so i have a chance to blog, but i really wanted to go climbing. he thought it would be nice to go out just as "the boys." i guess i could go out when he comes home ha ha. i had so much fun last time we went climbing. derek, ben, diedre & i went. since you have alot of rest time when you go bouldering it worked out really well. i figure derek didnt want to take turns watching diedre at the gym tonight...

i was seriously considering training for the sun run, but there are several obstacles to overcome:
i would prefer to run/train with derek since he has more running experience and is a good motivator. diedre needs to be watched by one of us so running together is a problem.
we could see if the local gym that offers childcare for $2 would take her while we run, but i'm worried that they require that the parents remain in the building (which would make sense, in case of emergency).
maybe this would be a goal better preserved for next year when my mom & richard live near us. wow, the things you can't do when you don't have family nearby.
derek thought maybe we could get together with andrew & heather once a week to run (girls watch the kids, guys run, then switch)...but i guess i want to have a plan to be able to run more than once a week.

i guess i am definitely getting prepared mentally to begin working. i am having so much more energy now that diedre is sleeping all night through (well, most nights, unless i think its 5.45am when really its 2.45am like i did the other night! oops). i have been doubting my ability to jump back into internet marketing or other work tasks lately. However, i find that when people ask me what sorts of things i might be doing i seem to be able to come up with a really good answer (although its pure speculation since my friend hasn't gotten back to me for sure about anything specific for work yet). so thats been making me feel like maybe i still do know my stuff inspite of having a year off!

we are trying to rent out our suite right now. its a scary thing. we really need to get the place rented but we have only advertised at five local churches (last sunday being the first time). i hope we get some more interested after tomorrow (sunday). derek is still working on cleaning it up and touching up paint. he wants to lay tile in the washroom before renting it too, so it looks like it might not be ready until february anyway.

well, i spoke with my brother about the website and he advised me to make a mock-up using the Paint program so i did that yesterday. i think it looks pretty good. i'm looking forward to having something up so i can get going with my company. i have filed so many "nil" tax returns in the last two years, its pretty bad. oh well, at least my company has survived beyond one year!

well, i just hope derek brings home a movie tonight ;)

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

a new role

well i am officially NOT going back to work full time at Campus Crusade for Christ. i worked there since september 2002. it was a place where i feel i grew up alot.

i got excited today thinking that i can continue to be around for diedre full time. that i can watch her as she learns new things and be there to teach her.

i hope to do some part time work with my friend's company but that wont be right away (since i still have time on mat leave)...and of course there's still choice climbing, my sadly neglected venture.

i own the domain and my brother said he'd make me a website so i paid for hosting and then when i asked him about it he said "don't you have frontpage?" so i guess that's that for now. i'm pretty sure he doesn't read this blog but i know he's really busy so i don't want to pester him with my website need. i would love to learn some basic stuff to be able to get one going but at this point, i don't have a clue how to design one from scratch.

anyhoo, its freeing and exciting to know i wont be going back to "the office" even though there were many good times. i think i will do well at a flexible and varied schedule. i like change and variety so this should work out well, a little parenting, then a little casual work during nap times or when daddio is home to play with diedre.

i have been thinking a bit about how this will change my social life though, so we'll see if adding work into the mix will stress me out. i don't like stress and i hope to be able to avoid it. i figure the main thing i'll be giving up is naps. then derek cant laugh at me and say "how many naps did you have today?" or when i say "i'm tired" and he says "me too, and i didn't get a nap." i don't get alot of sympathy from someone who often gets up before me, works a physically demanding job and then comes home after dark. i must say i do prefer the commute from diedre's room to the living room better than having to drive 20 minutes to an office.

anyway, i'm not sure i'm totally making sense here, but probably michelle and my mom will read this, i don't know if anyone else does...its late so i guess i'll go to bed.

i am feeling very thankful tonight for God's patience with me and love, for derek my match, and for diedre my bright star. my heart is welling up with affection. ciao

Saturday, January 07, 2006

live to work or work to live

i have always been a work to live kind of that my maternity leave is ending and we've decided money is a little tighter than we previously anticipated, i am faced with the "need" to work a little.

i had a conversation with my previous employer and since i'm not returning full time there is no position available for me there. he did say they would keep me in mind if any projects come up that i can do from home over the internet.

i spoke with my former boss, who left the company the same time i did last february. he asked me to send him my availability for the next few months and he said they will most likely have some work i can do for his company too. this option is more immediately promising because he is going down to 4 days a week so there is a definite need for contracting work out.

i was pretty down the few days i had between thinking that i got the royal boot from the company i'd been working at for years, just b/c i can't commit to working full time (the legal obligation of giving me back the same job was as far as they were willing to go because they are trying to cut back on salaried positions). but after talking to both of the aforementioned people i felt much better. i felt at first like all my years of good work were just forgotten and that was that, but now i feel that they did value my work and would be willing to work with me again someday.

anyhoo, with all the exciting things going on in my "real" life, its hard to take anything else too seriously. we are so excited to observe diedre's changes and the beginnings of talking and walking. fun times!