Monday, May 29, 2006

sensitvity

two things i don't like about pregnancy:
frequent peeing and oversensitivity.

first, i have officially entered the frequent peeing zone...i don't remember it happening until the very end last time, but this time, every time i stand up, i gotta go. we were watching a movie last night and i probably went 5 to 6 times. its ridiculous!

secondly, i'm oversensitive as it is, i don't need anymore!

lately, i keep getting insulted by the reactions of other kids or moms to diedre at playgroup. a little girl said "i don't like her, she bites me." (which diedre has never done, and i'm pretty sure hadn't. i looked for teeth marks). the little girls mom assured me that it is just something her daughter says sometimes, ie. "i dont like her, she has an ugly shirt." or whatever.

or today, diedre made this weird screeching noise, that we affectionately call her pterodactyl sound, or we say she is being a pterodactyl. and another mom said "wow, she is noisy." but it was the first sound she made! other kids are constant noise, diedre just lets out a good prehistoric screech every once in awhile, and she's noisy?! ha

see!?! i'm too sensitive. what does it matter? that mom might've said something without really thinking that it might not be a nice thing to say. i know i've done that hundreds of times. i remember when i was pregnant with diedre i would try to get myself psyched up to be tough and would say i need "rhino skin" all the time (thick skin) and my blogfather said something like, you are just fine the way you are, you don't need to be a rhino. but it is too stressful for me to be so sensitive. i want stuff to roll off my back like water off a duck's back. even if i am at all justified to feel hurt or bothered by the reactions of these other kids or parents, its really not about me or diedre.

i know she is "the best" to me and derek and her grandparents and maybe auntie m (diedre's her only niece) and i know that each parent feels the same about their own kid. i cannot expect any different from other parents, i can only control my own behavior, reactions, words, etc. but it sure is harder when i'm pregnant.

when i was pregnant last time, i felt like i was 14 again (those were the days, eh michelle--) with a hurricane of emotions, a mixture of manipulation, control and bewilderedment--i didn't know why i could be sugary sweet one moment and queen bee...yotch the next. it was a strange strange time, one i was soooo glad to grow out of, and so shocked to find i was emotionally back there somewhat when pregnant!

anyhoo, the second time around its not such a shocker. i know what to do. i know i can pray and ask any of you to, too (please) because i know that God has changed who i am soooooo much and He is my only hope!

oh, good news! i felt my baby kick on friday night! it was very fluttery and went on for a minute or two. no denying. its just the beginning, those special kicks that only i can feel. i'm feeling so tired these days, i'm a little scared of what it will be like to have two kids, but i'm getting so excited to meet this little one. i know diedre will be a fun big sister. she is such a special kid to us and is learning so much all the time.

end post

2 comments:

Stefanie said...

Hi Amanda,

I think I have the same problem re:oversensitivity. Though I don't know if it is "over-" as much as "normal". Still, the important thing is to let it slide, which definitely takes me a while, and I am always impressed by people who don't take offense.

I realize I don't have kids (which is fine because I think I'm too young and immature for them at this point anyway). BUT I can be quite motherly with Axl and I was offended/irritated when a man at a dog park kept making snide remarks about the way he looks.

"Are you sure that's a dog and not a wolf? Does he even bark?"

Watch it old man. I can take you.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

I thought Axl was way cuter than his huge sheep-like black dogs but whatever. I love all animals. I only noticed they looked like sheep because of what he said about my dog. But I hate thinking destructively!

All this to say, I understand in an animal-like way :)

the salmon said...

thanks stef, thats cute :)

ya, we dont like it when people diss sparky either...and lots of people used to diss fraser. people were very verbal about how much they hated our ferret, which is offensive, because we loved him and he really was the most well-behaved ferret we had owned.

ajs