Friday, May 18, 2007

its time for the facebook post

i know, just about everyone who has joined facebook has had to write about their emotional journey into the personal observations are:

1. i had WAY too many crushes...many, not all, of the guys that i have reconnected with were former crushes. crushes from gradeschool, crushes from camp, crushes that lasted one day, crushes that lasted years--pining from afar (well, those ones i usually dont actually connect with--just in case they knew i had a crush on them and then think i am searching them out to see "what if?" and am not the happily married woman that i can assure you that i am).

2. i am still scared to contact some people who were super mean back then. they might be nice now, maybe they would like to know what i am up to these days but i would prefer to wait until they ask me to be "friends" just to avoid "the burn."

3. i have learned that if i truly believe that people can change, like how i know i have changed, i need to give them the benefit of the doubt that they have too.

4. my brother and i have alot of friends in common, which he said annoys him, but i think its a testimony that we were good friends. his friends are usually curious to know what his "little sister" is up to and my friends are all lucky enough to be his friend anyway.

5. where have all the Christians gone? well, from my youth group days, there are not many left, let me tell you. i know i had my 8 months or so away from the faith, but i really thought more people would make it through the 20s with the same faith that we used to share. i am very glad that i still believe and want to live for what i have believed for so long. heartbreak really shook me up and caused me to doubt and take a step away. but i came back, after taking a break, and found that there was no other way for me. it was an interesting journey for me, as i was always a big doubter, but when i returned to my faith, the doubting ended. but there is still hope, some new Christians have surfaced, and some of the old ones seem to be in that time of doubt or disallusionment right now, so it may not be totally over yet. i have always been a very forward person, so out of curiousity, i have asked some if they are "still Christian" but some have ignored the question, while others have been very honest and open about what they are thinking about that right now.
SIDE NOTE: i am also surprised at the number of pastor friends derek and i have; and we have also both noticed many who are ex-pastors already (early 30s); and the number of people who are obviously not cool with the term Christian, so they come up with some other snappy way of saying the same modernism perhaps?

6. my husband and i are so different. its really cute to see him enjoying facebook too. for YEARS he has been trying to find one or two people in particular. so i am so pleased that he has finally reconnected with them (google searches never came through for him all these years). he is also very silly with some of his friends. he is getting "pokes" from one person all the time. its very silly.

7. my latest M.O. for facebook is to write a note when i am interested in becoming "friends" so that its not just a random request but somewhat personalized. i have talked with one of my local friends here who finds it offensive when a friend who she hasnt talked to in years just invites her and doesnt write anything. i dont totally see it that way, because when i first got started i added people thru email addresses, so it was a group invite the first time, out of my inexperience.

8. as long as my blog is not getting totally neglected, i think its okay for me.

9. i have some great girl friends that i have missed over the years who i can have short chats with that seem somewhat easier to do than thru email. so thats been great! and they have written such nice comments on my wall, so flattering :D hee hee

10. the limited profile: so far i think i only have one "friend" that put me on a very limited profile. yah, it feels weird, since they can see mine--and i used to be able to see their full profile. they probably dont look at my page anymore. its situations like that that make me think maybe we are not really "friends".

11. very cool connections have been made with some who i was not necessarily close to back in the day, but now, we have more in common (usually because of kids) and so we can relate much better. and its fun now that my list has expanded to some of my aunts and cousins that i have not been as close to. i would love to be closer to them so when i see them, we can have fun together and it will feel more natural to chat in person.

there were definitely alot of emotional issues and self-doubt that surfaced in my first few weeks on facebook. now that some time has passed and i know how it all works, i feel much more stable and in control. some of my first conversations with old friends were pretty weird, i am sure they could tell i was "new" to the whole thing...

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