We went away to a hotel and talked through our ideas, had a few meals together, wrote out some thoughts and planned out the service and the memorial handout. It was the most time we had spent together in years. It was a special time, a difficult time, a productive time and I'm thankful for that. This trip happened on Thursday/Friday, one week after our Father passed away.
When I returned home, my mind was unsettled on what I had written and what the point of the message would be. I had so much doubt about what had just flowed out of me, sharing memories, sharing how my Dad made me feel and our special relationship. I took the next week off of work as we finalized the details. My daughter and niece and sister in law and I took a shopping trip to gather supplies for a floral arrangement. I wanted the girls to feel a part of things and put some of their touch into the Memorial for their Grandpa. We also had a day planned for all the grandkids to put together photos of Poppa on poster boards.
I had a strong sense of getting to know my Dad in new ways after he passed away, because of the stories I heard about him. I learned about friends that he was close to who really loved him, that I had not known about. Places he had lived or traveled to. I learned that he taught fishing to several people who really appreciated it. He was a skilled craftsman, hunter, fisherman. It felt very sad to think that I had missed out knowing these things about him. One thing I knew was that he would take the time to research a topic that interested my husband or my brother as a way of connecting with them. It made me wonder what he had tried to connect with me on...but it also reassured me that we had a living, growing relationship and we were dear to one another. He was a loving Father to me. He was what I needed. Eventually, I worked out what I wanted to say and it turned into this:
Psalm 40:5 says
5 Many, O Lord my God, are Your wonderful works Which You have done;
And Your thoughts toward us Cannot be recounted to You in order;If I would declare and speak of them,They are more than can be numbered.
I wanted to start with this verse because I can clearly see God’s hand in Poppa’s life. Our family heritage--moving forward in Christ and building a generation that will love and serve Him. God takes the surprising examples and does great things through them, or us.
Poppa would mention from time to time how when I was very little, i would be so excited to see him, I would wrap my tiny arms around his neck and squeeze him so hard in a hug.
That is a good description of my relationship with him. I loved him so much, I was always excited to see him, and I was a big hugger.
Growing up in Ontario, we would get a call once a month, on Sunday at 6pm. I was always so excited to get those calls. Any chance of connecting with my Dad was so special to me. My whole life he’d always end our calls with “Bye bye for now.”
We would travel at the beginning of summer to Toronto and fly to Vancouver as Unaccompanied minors. Those flights were so exciting for me and I felt so special getting to travel to BC to see my Dad. Andrew shared the details of how Poppa made a cushioned seat for me to sit in his truck. That project really touched my young heart, knowing he had prepared for my arrival and caring for my safety.
It was a fun adventure to spend time with him and be a part of his daily life for those two months. I realize now, how much effort he put into preparing for our time together. He had many outings planned to make each summer a great experience. We went to the air show with his brothers families for several years. He took us to the whale park often, we got to try wind surfing, or shoot rockets in a field, and spend time with our cousins on our Mom and Dad’s sides which was always a highlight for me.
One summer he had bikes ready for us and these cute biker hats. We would go on bike rides together all the time. That particular summer, living on 2nd Avenue were some amazing memories. I was twelve, and would just bike around to the park or with my cousins or neighbors. It was so special having my own room, in this brand new beautiful home, and how Diane had prepared it for my summer stay. Being that age, and living in that beautiful home, where we also spent our only Christmas together (later that same year) with him, was so special. He taught me some woodworking basics in his shop.
He was a skilled woodworker. He built some beautiful homes and creative furniture pieces that I have in my home today. My family sits around the table he built as a Christmas gift for Andrew and I when we were roommates back when I was 19.
Part of the story that God wove as a provision for our upbringing and an area of consistency were Brethren assemblies. When we moved to Ontario, my Mother was a new Christian, having been introduced to the faith through our stepfather Richard. Our church for the next 15 years was a Brethren chapel in North Bay, Ontario.
Meanwhile, back in BC, Poppa was dealing with the loss of his kids and was seeking the Lord. Poppa told me that he got saved at Christian Life Assembly in Langley in 1982 and He told me they said: you don't want to hang out with a bunch of old fogies, go find a Bible study in White Rock with people your own age--and so he looked up Hilltop Gospel Chapel and started attending there.
In the summers when we would come visit we attended the same type of Brethren assembly. I have recognized the gift from God this was in my life, learning solid Bible teaching and a love for God’s word and having consistency in Ontario and in BC!
Poppa was funny. He smiled a lot, joked around and had so many stories to tell. Since humor was a way we had communicated our entire relationship, I would force myself to tell him funny anecdotes, even in these final 10 weeks. He introduced me to a very silly song called Don’t Bury Me when we were talking about end of life plans. And even the day before he went to be with the Lord he chuckled at my joke.
He was also very serious when it came to his faith and he put a lot of time and effort into studying the scriptures. He was told that he could explain the scriptures in a very clear way, and earlier this year he gave his testimony at this assembly and was told by many how much it touched people. I tried a few times to get him to tell me his testimony so I could record it but he always said “not today. I’d need to be feeling better first.” Or “id need to be in a better mood.” Throughout his many moves around BC: Parker Street, 14A Avenue, 2nd Avenue, WIllowbrook near Oliver, Rock Creek, Kelowna, Courtney, back to Chilliwack and then White Rock, Poppa attended various Bible studies and chapels.
Poppa was intentional about witnessing or sharing his faith. When he lived on 14A Avenue, he had a neighbour with lots of little daughters. The girls would come and knock on his door and just walk in and sit at the table for some food whenever they felt like it. Poppa struck up a friendship with their Mom and was instrumental in her accepting Jesus and going on to raise her daughters in the faith.
As a grandpa, Poppa had great joy from the grandkids presence and was delighted to see that they, like his children, were choosing to follow the Lord. Poppa made a point to come out to meet each new baby that joined our family. I love looking at the pictures of him cuddling the babies and looking them in the face. He came to many of the birthday celebrations for the grandkids (especially if it coordinated with good fishing in the area and he’d stay over for a few days). I loved going on little outings with him and my kids. One thing we did for several years in a row was going to have a fruit waffle from Krause Berry Farm for Father’s Day. Often it was with Bennett, since he had less days at school. Poppa loved our waffle outings. Another enjoyable meetup we would have was to go for ice cream at Birchwood Dairy in Abbotsford, or Purdy’s Chocolates in the mall (which has the best prices). Ice cream was definitely a connection between all of us with Poppa.
Also, funny story about honoring him as a Grandfather: I always thought his Danish heritage was cool and when it came time to welcome our fourth and final child, we decided we would honor the Dads that raised me by giving Bennett Paul’s middle name of Antony—no H—and My stepdad Richard’s middle name Henri (because he’s French Canadian)—so Bennett Antony Henri was named. Fast forward a year and my Dad says “so I had to get my birth certificate reprinted and it turns out that my middle name is actually AnTHony—with an H.” Literally his entire life his Mother told him his name was AnTony—which I thought was because it’s Danish.
The pain of the past and the struggles Poppa had, led him to some very low months or years, where he struggled with mental health challenges and would stop attending church. I could never accept that that was really him, and using my God-given gift of encouragement and exhortation, I could not just leave him in that state.
Romans 15:13
13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
I challenged him and would check in on him and pray for him. I’m so thankful that he had returned to fellowship, and Bible study and discussions and that he had a spiritual mind these last few years to face the coming trial. He was a spiritual leader to us in how he took the news, accepted it without denial and had peace. Right from the beginning of his diagnosis, he texted me about how he had a rough night physically and it was hard to take but that he was “sooooo thankful I am saved, Praise You Jesus!!”
My prayer for him this last month, knowing that his health was declining, was that Poppa would finish well, that he would have a spiritual mind and connecting with God. I want to close with a verse that I saw lived out by my Dad in his last weeks:
Romans 8:6
For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the spirit is life and peace.
Its hard for us to comprehend that dying would give someone life and peace but it really did. His great gift to us at the end, was peace, comfort, that he was okay to go and that we could let him go. I love you Poppa, Bye bye for now.
~~~~~
The table is an example of the skilled woodworking he made. His cowboy hat and bolo ties. His favourite property that he loved in Rock Creek area. The floral arrangements the girls and I worked on.
Here is the full service:
