i hate fax machines

i just need a fax machine so i can start my new job. i need to fax them the contract so they can respond with my first job. i guess i'll be running out to buy a fax machine as soon as diedre wakes up from her nap. i better get on the phone to try to find the best deal.

at my previous job, there was this room with a big fax machine dinosaur...i sat for 30 minutes straight waiting for it to FINALLY complete transmission. that is where my hatred began and grew. but then my good friends in the travel department took pity on me and would let me do my faxes through their normal fax machine. much better. much happier. i will hopefully get a machine like theirs. simple, new, logical. thats my plan anyway.

Five Factor Personality Test

denise did this test and said she was curious to know results from other people.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have high extroversion. You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends. You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation. Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

30 years ago today

happy 30th birthday andrew!


me, andrew & our cousin alexa (who is 2 weeks younger than me)

i feel so terrible! i forgot to call andrew on his actual birthday. i NEVER forget his birthday. i guess i usually call early in the morning so he was wondering what happened...my only excuse was i had a bad night last night, only 5 hours of sleep...i hope that gets me off the hook!

anyway, andyroo, its been a great 27 years and 9 and a half months of knowing you! i hope you enjoy these images of our childhood. these are the only good pictures i have of you at that age (mom? do you know what age we are in these photos?).

love you big brother xo

amanda

derek & diedre love you too but they didn't forget your birthday like i did, so don't hold it against them :D happy birthday from them too.

work is right around the corner

i just got my first official invite into the project website for my new job. i will be a contractor with Stir Communications Group. i don't know what jobs will be given me yet, but i have said i'm available as of feb 1st for 12 hours a week. i'm feeling pretty excited about it now. for awhile i felt like i had forgotten all my internet marketing learning. However, after doing some reading i noticed that not much has changed as far as Search Engine Marketing goes since i've been on mat leave. i feel confident and ready to take on new challenges.

we celebrated my brother's 30th birthday on saturday (his birthday is tomorrow, jan 31). it was really significant for me since i've known him my whole life and he has been such an important person to me. derek's 30th is coming up in a month and a half and diedre's first birthday is in 27 days!!! derek's parents are coming out for her birthday so that should be really fun :)

i should probably go do pilates since diedre is still napping (just over 1 hour so far).

ciao

times are changing

its so exciting to see the changes going on around us. diedre is changing and that changes our schedules too. she requires more interaction and attention as she hands us book after book to read, or crawls over for a hug every couple of minutes. its such a blessing and so amazing to see the changes in her. learning new words, practicing sounds, falling asleep easily (yay!!!). i feel so thankful for the time we've had with her so far. what an amazing experience this has been. to have a daughter, to be a mother. i love it.

i cant help but feel a little melancholy over the times that have gone by, the newborn stage, the little bitty clothes, the helplessness of a little baby. now we see her learning some independance in how she plays and explores her world. she's growing up and she's only 10.5 months...it goes so fast. wowsa. but it is inevitable of course. so i'm ok with that too. she is still very little and has so much to learn. these are fun times. times of change.

no movie before bedtime

well, no movie yet...and its 9.20pm...

oh well, i did manage to bluff my way through a blog redesign :D

i found that fun piece of art on a free blog skins site and then figured out how to set up the regular blogger template inside of it. i hope the inner scroll bar doesn't annoy anyone too much (oh, i guess thats bad for marketing!) but i couldn't figure out any other way to incorporate that funness into my blog.

ciao

alone, listless, breakfast table in an otherwise empty room

well, i've been feeling like i need an away-from-home hobby that i can do and give derek an opportunity to hang out with diedre alone. however, derek has hobbies, so he always comes up with an idea first, which leaves me at home alone with diedre instead. joanna and i were trying to come up with an evening idea that we could do once a week, but thats on hold for now because it would cost money and there is too much going on right now (mon-thursdays are busy for either us or them).

derek is out climbing tonight with ben. diedre went to sleep really easily tonight so i have a chance to blog, but i really wanted to go climbing. he thought it would be nice to go out just as "the boys." i guess i could go out when he comes home ha ha. i had so much fun last time we went climbing. derek, ben, diedre & i went. since you have alot of rest time when you go bouldering it worked out really well. i figure derek didnt want to take turns watching diedre at the gym tonight...

i was seriously considering training for the sun run, but there are several obstacles to overcome:
i would prefer to run/train with derek since he has more running experience and is a good motivator. diedre needs to be watched by one of us so running together is a problem.
we could see if the local gym that offers childcare for $2 would take her while we run, but i'm worried that they require that the parents remain in the building (which would make sense, in case of emergency).
maybe this would be a goal better preserved for next year when my mom & richard live near us. wow, the things you can't do when you don't have family nearby.
derek thought maybe we could get together with andrew & heather once a week to run (girls watch the kids, guys run, then switch)...but i guess i want to have a plan to be able to run more than once a week.

i guess i am definitely getting prepared mentally to begin working. i am having so much more energy now that diedre is sleeping all night through (well, most nights, unless i think its 5.45am when really its 2.45am like i did the other night! oops). i have been doubting my ability to jump back into internet marketing or other work tasks lately. However, i find that when people ask me what sorts of things i might be doing i seem to be able to come up with a really good answer (although its pure speculation since my friend hasn't gotten back to me for sure about anything specific for work yet). so thats been making me feel like maybe i still do know my stuff inspite of having a year off!

we are trying to rent out our suite right now. its a scary thing. we really need to get the place rented but we have only advertised at five local churches (last sunday being the first time). i hope we get some more interested after tomorrow (sunday). derek is still working on cleaning it up and touching up paint. he wants to lay tile in the washroom before renting it too, so it looks like it might not be ready until february anyway.

well, i spoke with my brother about the website and he advised me to make a mock-up using the Paint program so i did that yesterday. i think it looks pretty good. i'm looking forward to having something up so i can get going with my company. i have filed so many "nil" tax returns in the last two years, its pretty bad. oh well, at least my company has survived beyond one year!

well, i just hope derek brings home a movie tonight ;)

a new role

well i am officially NOT going back to work full time at Campus Crusade for Christ. i worked there since september 2002. it was a place where i feel i grew up alot.

i got excited today thinking that i can continue to be around for diedre full time. that i can watch her as she learns new things and be there to teach her.

i hope to do some part time work with my friend's company but that wont be right away (since i still have time on mat leave)...and of course there's still choice climbing, my sadly neglected venture.

i own the domain and my brother said he'd make me a website so i paid for hosting and then when i asked him about it he said "don't you have frontpage?" so i guess that's that for now. i'm pretty sure he doesn't read this blog but i know he's really busy so i don't want to pester him with my website need. i would love to learn some basic stuff to be able to get one going but at this point, i don't have a clue how to design one from scratch.

anyhoo, its freeing and exciting to know i wont be going back to "the office" even though there were many good times. i think i will do well at a flexible and varied schedule. i like change and variety so this should work out well, a little parenting, then a little casual work during nap times or when daddio is home to play with diedre.

i have been thinking a bit about how this will change my social life though, so we'll see if adding work into the mix will stress me out. i don't like stress and i hope to be able to avoid it. i figure the main thing i'll be giving up is naps. then derek cant laugh at me and say "how many naps did you have today?" or when i say "i'm tired" and he says "me too, and i didn't get a nap." i don't get alot of sympathy from someone who often gets up before me, works a physically demanding job and then comes home after dark. i must say i do prefer the commute from diedre's room to the living room better than having to drive 20 minutes to an office.

anyway, i'm not sure i'm totally making sense here, but probably michelle and my mom will read this, i don't know if anyone else does...its late so i guess i'll go to bed.

i am feeling very thankful tonight for God's patience with me and love, for derek my match, and for diedre my bright star. my heart is welling up with affection. ciao

live to work or work to live

i have always been a work to live kind of person...now that my maternity leave is ending and we've decided money is a little tighter than we previously anticipated, i am faced with the "need" to work a little.

i had a conversation with my previous employer and since i'm not returning full time there is no position available for me there. he did say they would keep me in mind if any projects come up that i can do from home over the internet.

i spoke with my former boss, who left the company the same time i did last february. he asked me to send him my availability for the next few months and he said they will most likely have some work i can do for his company too. this option is more immediately promising because he is going down to 4 days a week so there is a definite need for contracting work out.

i was pretty down the few days i had between thinking that i got the royal boot from the company i'd been working at for years, just b/c i can't commit to working full time (the legal obligation of giving me back the same job was as far as they were willing to go because they are trying to cut back on salaried positions). but after talking to both of the aforementioned people i felt much better. i felt at first like all my years of good work were just forgotten and that was that, but now i feel that they did value my work and would be willing to work with me again someday.

anyhoo, with all the exciting things going on in my "real" life, its hard to take anything else too seriously. we are so excited to observe diedre's changes and the beginnings of talking and walking. fun times!

changes from high school til now

well michelle posed a fine question in the comments section that i might as well blog about a bit.

i think i have changed alot since high school. i think i am more confident, more considerate, more grounded and less naive. well i should hope so on those last three. i am embarrassed to think that people who knew me in high school or college would think that i am still the same. i guess my melancholy side remembers all the mistakes i made back then. too pious, too judgmental, too sheltered, mean, extremely dysfunctional relationships (especially with michelle and a few friends from college), i better stop before i get too depressed :S of course people who knew me on the surface probably had a better impression of me than those close by (unfortunately).

i used to think that people who were sheltered were lame...until i became a mother. why wouldn't i want diedre to be naive about the things of the world. i don't want her to be socially lame but i would love for her to be naive about many things like drugs and alcohol and unhealthy relationships. one thing (of many) that i always appreciated from my mom was her openness with us about her past and mistakes and such. i am glad we have awhile before diedre will be ready to talk about my past and my mistakes! i'm not so sure how to handle sharing those with her. i just hope we can communicate that God's way is best, that He cares so much for her and sets up boundaries for protection and that there is great freedom within those boundaries. we're still learning that too.

its kind of weird how making mistakes was one of the best things to happen to me so that i could become less judgmental. "i am not perfect so why expect others to be." i still believe there is a standard that a Christian should live up to and if they say they are then there should be some evidence. but that's more of an entry point to talk to them about their struggles, rather than a point to write someone off. i totally regret all the mistakes i have made. i wish i had been and wish that i could be perfect, but if no one is perfect, its best that i'm am not either...

life is really different now being a mom. i have gone through times before diedre where i would take time every day to pray and read the Bible but now that she's here, i know i have the time, but i just so don't do it. i don't really have a good excuse, but i know God knows my heart and that we still have a relationship. growing up, i always thought you had to do everything perfectly to really know and please God, but now i know that being willing and available is good too.

oh ya, another big change has been with honesty. i have been told that i am "one of the most honest people i've ever met" from several people throughout my life. my brother was the same. so was mom. i guess we got it from her. i came to learn that in the transfer of knowledge regarding honesty, i did not receive the concept of "a filter" until much much later. it was when i was 24, i remember learning that you can be honest but you don't need to tell everyone, everything about you. much of this learning was because poor derek spoke to me about it, the victim of my brutal honesty. it was embarrassing in group situations, mostly because it was inappropriate or just "too much information." a friend of mine suggested i learn "responsible honesty." i did, i hope to some degree. the brutal honesty still pops up here and there (like when i was pregnant, overtired, cranky, too giddy, etc.) but i would say that is a MAJOR change to who i am. tact, i have developed some tact :D

another thing that changed would be healing. i had alot of hurts from a young age. i think going to counselling and such really helped but it really wasn't until college that i could look back on my life previous and really take note. i was shocked, angry and hurt. college was a bad year socially. i was a real mess trying to figure things out. like i said earlier, it is with great embarrassment that i think back to anyone who knew me then. it was a strange strange time for me. i only went for one year then i headed to BC to live with my brother. that was the first time i really experienced total freedom and when i really started making some wrong turns for the first time in my overly pious life. thankfully, i was well rooted in my faith and although i wandered for awhile, i did return and get things sorted out with God. and have remained committed to God and my faith since. i have had alot of healing and the bitterness i used to feel is mostly gone. it has been awesome having such a loving man in my life (derek) who says what i need to hear, like leave the past in the past, just like i don't want people to remember me like i was back then, i need to do the same. people change. i know i did.

i better stop on that good note.

ciao

been a long time

i bet that is one of the most common blog titles, or one of many along that line. i have been blogging about once a week on the salmon speaks but neglecting this one. i've decided that i want to try to write a little more content on both blogs for several reasons:

1. i'm quickly forgetting how to type...its been many a day since i could type 70 wpm!
2. there's more to me than just a snappy photo clicker...i'd like to share a bit of info about me and the family even though a good photo blog says alot too.
3. i'm losing my grasp on the written word too. spelling, grammar, sentence structure, thought process, eep, those are all severely lacking. i think i'm good at the spelling but all the rest are scary. even writing that sentence took several re-do's and ok, i'm just going to abandon ship on that one now. l8r
4. i dont want to lose who i am. i know i've changed sooo much in the past 9.5 months from being diedre's mother. i know i was really different when pregnant at times. i just want to use this blog as a chance to "discover" the new me, or get comfortable with me. i think people can relate to that. wow, so many changes can come during this one amazing, growing, challenging, discovering year. God bless the child. i love her sooo much.

random things

tagged by michelle

Ten Random Things About Me:
1. i have never broken a bone in my body.
2. i saw my kneecap (it was very pearly white) when i was 16 and skinned my knee down to the bone.
3. i went through a short punk phase where i'd wear my hair in these weird nubby rolls all over my head.
4. i only started snowboarding so i could get to know this guy i had a crush on in grade 10 (and also to make andrew happy).
5. people always tell me i'm 5'9" even though i'm 5'6.5" (people have argued with me about it, and we take out the measuring tape...and i'm still only 5'6.5").
6. i was never afraid to tell people how much i weighed because they would often think i was 20 lbs lighter than i actually was.
7. i used to be really good at math until grade 11 when a bad/mean teacher told me i was stupid and shouldn't be in the contest math class.
8. i like my natural haircolor.
9. i didn't learn to tell time until grade 5 or 6 (i just didn't want to know...i didn't care).
10. i went to the national level for public speaking in French, in grade 7. le concours d'art oratoire (i still have the t shirt).

Nine Places I've Visited:
1. Ottawa, ON
2. Peterborough, ON
3. Toronto, ON
4. Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
5. Reno, NV
6. Penticton, BC
7. Seattle, WA
8. Smith Rock, OR
9. Silicon Valley, CA

Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. see mike knott in concert!
2. Get a Bachelor's Degree
3. enjoy rockclimbing again
4. Have another baby
5. Become a Grandmother
6. travel
7. go on a real shopping spree
8. be prepared to die

Seven Ways Derek Won (and keeps winning) My Heart:
1. love God and want to live for Him
2. be very patient with me
3. let me know when i do something you don't agree with
4. give me lots of hugs & kisses & verbal affirmation
5. be a good daddy
6. be fun & upbeat
7. be understanding & kind

Six Things I Believe In:
1. the God of the Bible, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit
2. encouraging & bringing out the best in other people
3. a lasting marriage
4. work to live, not live to work
5. Breastfeeding
6. wherever you go, there you are

Five Things I'm Afraid Of:
1. getting into a car accident with diedre on board
2. That diedre will get hurt or sick and I won't be able to help her
3. being all alone in the dark
4. disappointing people
5. death (i'm working on that one, but since having a baby, i don't like to think about it...but i know i should be okay with it...)

Four of My Favorite Things in the Bedroom (no extras in my room yet, we just moved!):
1. bed
2. clothes
3. heat
4. body pillow

Three Things I Do Everyday:
1. say i love you to derek & diedre
2. give hugs & kisses to derek & diedre
3. try to acknowledge God in all things

Two Things I Hate:
1. when the play areas for diedre are dirty from pets (i hate finding animal hair on her cheeks)
2. that i'm too easily insulted. lately i've really been thinking about how much i dont want to pass that on to diedre, its such a burden!

One Person I Want to See Right Now:
1. my mom

i tag my mom

fall

apparently i've been tagged by leah for saying she's a bad blogger...i think what i actually said was "you're the worst!" but Leah, you'll be glad to know, you are not actually the worst. i think the worst right now would be my friend rose--may 15! was the last post. yada yada busy lives, we've all got busy lives people! its about priorities, and if giving a glance into your life is not a priority...then i guess thats when you become a bad blogger...ok anyway, onto the taggingness

top 10 loves re: fall
1. changing leaves
2. blackberries wrapping up the season
3. long weekends (sep, oct & nov all have statutory holidays--still cool even if i'm on mat leave cuz then derek is around more)
4. wearing sweaters feels cozy
5. rain :S
6. the grass dies :S
7. can't just sit outside on the grass (it might be weepy from the rain) :S
8. house is colder :S
9. husband will want to let the animals sleep inside cuz its getting colder :S
10. have to start making fires again to keep the chill out of the house :S

ok, so i could only think of 4 things i like about fall...and #2 isnt even that good of a thing since i love blackberries. fall just seems to be so much about death. plants die, leaves die, grass dies...then it starts to rain alot. hmmm anyway, i love christmas time and then we're heading back to spring.

feeling quizzical

find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com

theological quiz

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavily by John Wesley and the Methodists. Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 96% Neo orthodox 79% Reformed Evangelical 71% Fundamentalist 64% Roman Catholic 54% Charismatic/Pentecostal 50% Emergent/Postmodern 43% Classical Liberal 43% Modern Liberal 14% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

i guess i better look into what John Wesley and the Methodists have to say...that sounds like a good band name. ha ha

i don't really understand how those percentages breakdown...any ideas? the only thing i can think of is out of the number of questions that could peg me as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan...i responded to 96% of them...

anyhow, i saw this off of pernellog

july 19 - a very special day

i've been pretty stressed out lately because of all the house stuff...it has not been a simple or straightforward situation in the least. i've spent so much time in the car (and poor diedre in her car seat) and thats added to my stress too. i was really trying to keep a good laissez-faire attitude and trust that things will work out as they should, but i guess my mind did not always have that control to stay cool :)

anyway, we signed our subjects removal at 11.10am. there was a lot going on with this deal and so even though we removed subjects we were not sure it would work out b/c we were past the deadline. the sellers failed to produce a document in time and delayed our final approval so we were not able to sign off last night at midnight...the sellers would not grant us an extension, so we were kind of taking a stab in the dark, to see if they'd still let us buy the house. so our realtor faxed the signed contract at noon and we waited.

i later found out that joanna had her baby around the time we were signing!!! she had a boy, Gabriel (middle names pending) 7lbs 21 inches. i went to see him in the afternoon. he was really cute. looks similar to david did as a baby.


here's joanna yesterday!

at 7.40pm we got the call from our realtor saying he received a signed fax from the sellers accepting our subjects removal. we got the house! how exciting! we take possession sept 24.

i am especially excited about two things:
we get to get rid of our junk.
we get to hang family pictures in a central location rather than in our bedroom (like we have done here b/c of our housemate).

yay!

a new place

i've been running around like crazy trying to get the details organized for us to buy a house. since derek is working and the sellers only gave us 3 business days to remove subjects, i'm hustling--big time. but it looks like it worked. tomorrow we have a building inspection and then we need to decide if we will take the house. its pretty exciting to be heading in that direction, and scary too of course :)

i never thought the day would come when we could buy a house...well thats not entirely true, i figured the only way we could is if God made it happen b/c we had such debt and seemed like this was so far off. but here we are, it could happen tomorrow. wow

learning curve never stops

well big life lessons are happening these days. God is showing me what i already know to be true but gap out on frequently: He can be trusted :)

how great to have such a patient God to love and teach me. i want to be like that too. a safe and patient person to trust...for diedre and derek and anyone else in my life.

today was a great day. a family day. a challenging day.

peace

MIT helper

2 hours til bed

i have a fairly relaxed style of parenting...diedre is the boss and so i pretty much just respond to her cues. so that means, tonight at 4.30 when she was really fussy and wanted to sleep, i helped her go to sleep. then she woke up by 7.30 and i had to help her go to sleep again for a couple of hours. it was very tiring, my back hurts from bouncing/rocking her...but i don't regret it. i like holding her. she is so precious and so nice to look at. i am planning to try to teach her how to go to bed by herself when she is closer to 6 months old. not far off yet.

i am so insecure sometimes that when people say "oh, you do that??" or if i hear them bad mouth people who have to rock their babies to sleep, i feel bad, like i'm doing something wrong. its amazing how as a new parent, i was totally inexperienced with babies but i had to learn to listen to some people/advice and let other stuff go.

it is the ultimate test for a people pleaser. there will ALWAYS be someone who disagrees or disapproves--and thats exactly what my personality hates. i want everyone to like me, respect me, support me. but it can never be that way. so fending off my inner thoughts and deprecations is totally necessary so i can focus what diedre actually needs from me. i say that diedre is the boss now, and although it can be hard sometimes, i love my new boss, she's the greatest.

peace